This is a very sensitive process, and we need help to make sure we don’t hurt ourselves and others. With the realization of how deeply we have hurt others through our addiction, we understand that amends must be made. In this step, we attempt to remove some of the debris created in the past through our actions. The sponsor plays a critical role in the amends process by offering guidance, expertise, and tailored advice to navigate the process of making amends. The AA Big Book emphasizes the importance of being willing to make amends for the harm we have caused, while also avoiding causing further harm in the process.

Step 5 – The Importance of Admitting our Wrongs

Steps 8 and 9 of the standard Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) program address the 12-Step amends process. As recovering addicts, we fear the loss of control we experienced in our darkest days. This step is accompanied by the terrible realization that we have no control over the response of the people we have harmed. We will likely have wonderful experiences and very difficult ones.

Cultivating a present-focused mindset is a huge part of releasing yourself from the shackles of the past and enacting positive transformative changes in your life. Living amends involve this daily dedication to avoiding new wrongdoings as evidence of growth. This means maybe putting away the cell phone if you are with someone making amends, or turning down background noise if you are making a call to make amends. Do whatever possible to show respect for the situation and the person to whom you are making amends is the order of the day. Often, in our experience, when you get stuck in the amends process, it is due to getting inside your head, and imagining outcomes or otherwise succumbing to doubt. Understanding these types can help tailor your script to your specific needs, and these can vary from person to person for whom you have to make amends.

How Soon Do I Start to Make Amends Once I Am Sober?

Over the years, in small bits and pieces, I have been able to share small pearls of my Al-anon wisdom. Although recovery in general must be done selfishly (i.e. you must put yourself before others in order to get well), Step Nine is the most selfless of all steps. It’s the point where we acknowledge that our behaviors damage others beyond ourselves. But to rectify this damage, we can’t maintain the same “me first” attitude that many of the other steps require. Adam Vibe Gunton is an American author, speaker and thought leader in addiction treatment and recovery.

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It’s essential to recognize that making amends involves recognizing and admitting the harm done, which can be a tough emotional hurdle. Managing emotional responses without anger or defensiveness helps handle these challenges. This ensures we take accountability and make positive changes without causing additional harm in our recovery while making amends to such people we cannot make direct amends to. Working Step 9 is challenging and you’ll likely need support and assistance as you work through it. At Eudaimonia Recovery Homes, we provide personalized recovery support with comfortable sober living Austin, Houston, and Colorado Springs. We also provide regular drug and alcohol testing, professional peer recovery support programming, a three phase recovery program, volunteer placement services, and employment and educational support.

• Many individuals know that they need to apologize to someone they love but fail to do so out of pride or ego.
• I’m not his teacher, and I’m sure she’s skilled at handling that type of problem.
• Managing emotional responses without anger or defensiveness helps handle these challenges.

Direct Amends

Step 9 advises against making amends if it risks additional harm to the other party. This balance ensures that the process of making amends is constructive rather than detrimental. One of the most common reasons people want to make living amends is to correct past wrongs. Living amends bridges the gap between living in shame and regret and finding forgiveness. The origin of living amends in modern use relates to addiction recovery and substance abuse treatment.

• We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease.
• Successful amends can lead to mutual healing for both the one in recovery and those we have harmed.
• More and contributing to your community, you are making amends every day.
• As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people.
• Step 9 of AA’s 12-step program directs people in recovery to take accountability for actions that may have harmed others and to make amends when possible.
• I no longer interrogate him about his day at school, so I can give my wise advice on how to handle difficult peers.
• Give each other space to figure out any new roles within your relationship and take things slowly.

So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support. Cake offers its users do-it-yourself online forms to complete their own wills and generalized educational content about wills. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal advice.

It’s also important to have a plan and be prepared for different possible reactions, with guidance from a sponsor and support group of some kind. We must refrain from deflecting responsibility onto others or justifying one’s harmful actions while expressing remorse, or it discounts marijuana addiction the whole activity. It requires good judgment to navigate the intricacies of making restitution with a sense of responsibility and sensitivity to avoid causing further damage, lest we make the wreckage of the past worse. Turns out, I was a bossy control freak who was terrified of everything.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. They are being fulfilled among us sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

Preparing for amends involves deep reflection on past actions and considering the intent behind them. Make sure you have a thorough 8th step amends list of people you have harmed and became willing to make amends to, which comes off of your 4th step inventory. Consult with your sponsor or a trusted person in your recovery community to find the best approach for making amends. This step ensures that you are grounded and clear about your intentions and the potential impact of your actions. Making living amends primarily benefits you and not the people you’ve wronged in the past. It’s about making positive changes within yourself so that you don’t repeat old patterns of behavior that led to your broken relationships in the first place.

How do I prepare for the 9th step?

Confidential helplines, like SAMHSA’s National Helpline, offer support and referrals for those navigating addiction recovery. Continued participation in therapy and support meetings is essential for managing the challenges that arise during the amends process. These support systems ensure that individuals have the guidance and encouragement needed to navigate this challenging but rewarding aspect of recovery. Fear of confronting past actions can lead to avoiding making amends altogether. The response to amends can vary widely; some may refuse to engage, leaving the individual feeling disheartened.